According to Psychology Today, money has a powerful impact on relationships. The potential for your finances to negatively or positively affect your relationship is clear – so why are we so scared to talk about money?
While many people don’t want to come across as shallow or controlling, it’s important to talk about money in a relationship. Dating in general comes with a lot of hard conversations and conflict. But, if you want your relationship to work out in the long run, you need to learn how to have difficult conversations!
How to Start a Conversation About Money When You’re in a Relationship
Talking about money when you’re dating someone can feel very vulnerable, regardless of how much money you make. But if you’re in it for the long haul, it can be easier to make your relationship work if you’re both on the same page about:
- Spending Habits
- Sharing Resources
- Splitting Date Nights
Every relationship is unique, so there is no “one-size fits all” approach to sharing your finances. Regardless of how you want to split your money when dating someone, having a solid financial foundation is important.
You can start these conversations with concrete expectations. If you are splitting rent in half, consider asking for your partner to cover the groceries while you cover date nights. Both you and your partner can work out what the best fit is for your relationship!
Creating a Budget When You’re Dating Someone
Once you’ve talked about your spending habits and your expectations about how to share your money have been established, the next step is to form a budget. You can create a budget together or separately! If you decide to start your budget together, try to calculate your monthly gross income and fixed/variable expenses. From there, you’ll be able to see how much you make versus how much you spend! Separate your expenses, bills, and purchases into categories. Typically, that includes groceries, entertainment, utilities, etc. Set a limit for each category and make sure to put away at least 20% of your income towards an emergency savings account (which can be joint or separate).
How Does Money Affect Relationships?
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, money affects almost every aspect of your life. Once you add a long-term relationship into the mix, things can only get more complicated -if you let them!
Money issues and disparity in finances can lead to resentment in relationships. In fact, money issues are the second leading cause of divorce. Debt, poor spending habits, and a lack of communication about how resources should be allocated can ruin a relationship or a marriage.
If you want your relationship to work, it’s important to have the concrete expectations about money listed above. Without them, there can be a lot of miscommunication and arguments, which can lead to an unhappy relationship.
Remember, both of you should be working together as a team toward your goals! Your spending habits need to be a reflection of what your goals look like. If you are overspending on food or material things, that can set your finances back and make it harder for both of you to contribute to the relationship.
How to Work on Your Relationship With Money When You Have a Long-Term Partner
Working on your relationship with money can look different if you are in a long-term relationship. When you’re single, it’s easier to focus on yourself and how you spend your own money. Being in a relationship means that you have to have a certain level of accountability, especially if you have a tight budget.
Working on your financial goals and spending habits typically starts with a budget, whether you’ve created one with your partner or without. Once you have a solid budget in place, you can work on creating a plan for your money. A solid plan makes it easier to curb poor spending habits!
Work on Your Budget
One of the most popular budgeting plans is the 50/30/20 rule. With this budget plan, you spend 50% of your monthly gross income on needs. Then, 30% of your income goes to “wants” or non-necessities. Lastly, 20% of your income goes to your savings. This can be a great baseline for couples without significant amounts of debt or financial strain.
Show Grace When You Can
Even with a great budgeting plan, slip-ups can happen. Talking about money in a relationship means that you can admit when you overspent! Being honest with your partner is one of the best ways you can work on your spending habits and get your finances back on track. If your partner messes up, it’s important to show grace with them too if you expect that back. Being too hard on each other won’t improve your relationship with them or with your money.
Create Your Goals Together
After you’ve been working on your budget for a few months, you and your partner can work on creating your long-term goals. Do you want to purchase a home in a few years? Do you need to improve your credit score to get qualified for a loan?
Whatever your goals are, it’s important to work together to reach them. Talk about your dreams and goals frequently! That way, you can find out if you are on the same page and taking actionable steps to make those dreams a reality.
The Bottom Line About Talking About Money in a Relationship
The most important part about talking about money in a relationship is to create an honest and secure foundation with your partner. This can help the both of you understand each other and make these tough conversations a lot easier! After you are both on the same page about your budget and spending habits, you’ll be able to have a better mindset about money.